The Ubiquitous Grammar Cop

I thoroughly believe there is an inverse relationship between book smarts and an aptitude for handiwork. Those who rely on their intellectual skill to rationalize the challenges they face don't always realize that Occam's Razor is the best way to deal with it. For example, in my limited experience, I find that the people that appear to be the most book smart are the ones who have the most issues with the merchandise I help sell. I work for IKEA, a furniture company famous for its mass produced Swedish furniture with funny, hard-to-pronounce-in-English names. The instructions to assemble everything we sell comes with little to no printed text. That way, IKEA can produce one set of instructions for all the countries they sell furniture. In fact, the lack of words in the instructions tells me that someone who is functionally illiterate can assemble whatever they buy, provided they can follow the pictures. In my experience, people who are book smart tend to over-analyze many aspect...

One of the better movies in 1990 in my opinion was "Pump Up the Volume" starring Christian Slater. He played a disaffected high school student who operated a pirate radio station under the moniker Happy Harry Hardon. On his show he said this about the state of affairs (as he saw it) regarding our society, "You see, there's nothing to do anymore. Everything decent [has] been done. All the great themes have been used up and turned into theme parks. So I don't really find it cheerful to be living in totally exhausted decade where there is nothing to look forward to and no one to look up to." That statement then is even more true today than it had been nearly twenty years ago. It seems that everywhere you look, everything you hear, and everything you touch is nothing more than a rehash of something that came about previously. Quite possibly the best examples of this phenomenon appear on television (especially its advertising) and in movies. Once upon a time, mak...

Reconnecting with people can put a person on treacherous ground. When you sidestep to avoid the mine, you can sink chest deep into quicksand. I find myself in that position right now (or so it feels). Just in the last two months, more people from my past have made contact with me thanks to the loveliest of tools: the internet. People who I have done my best to maintain a civil, respectful disconnect from are coming out and forming a community centered on our twentieth anniversary of our high school graduation. The flood of people making contact with me from high school has me in several minds. A big part of me would prefer to stay anonymous, thankful that I don't look like anything I did in high school (enabling me to hide in plain sight). I am also slightly curious to see some of those who found me so I can verify that I am not the only person still sorting things out. Most importantly, I wonder why so many of them only feel the need to reconnect after a decade (or two) passes. T...

Remember the British game show The Weakest Link hosted by Anne Robinson? Trivia game shows always piqued my interest being a trivia geek myself. The strategies employed by the game's contestants though irritated me enough to make me not watch it after I saw how they played the game. It's also part of the reason why I never watched Survivor ; those contestants used the same tactics. When either show has its full complement of players, the challenges and stronger contestants weed out the weaker ones through mutual attrition. When the numbers dwindled to three or four people, that's when things start to get weird. Clearly one person stands head and shoulders above the remaining participants. That person succeeds by observing all the rules and manages to excel despite the obstacles and challenges presented. The others, not being slouches themselves, recognize that while they still have talent and skill they do not possess what the perceived leader has. To increase thei...

For those who know me well, they understand my feelings about excess. I don't have anything against excesses of an abstract nature or excesses of things that actually benefit most people. What draws my ire is the filthy personal excesses that some people feel reward their hard work or other facet of their lives. Case in point: at work I came across a magazine used by some of my coworkers to give them ideas on how to best respresent the furniture my company sells in room settings. This magazine caters to more high-end furniture, quite the opposite from the furniture in my store. A full page advert bought by a small, privately owned bed manufacturer (from Sweden ironically enough) extolled the benefits of one of their beds. The price tag for the advertised bed: $49,500. The fact that this company sells beds for nearly $50,000 was offensive enough. The copy of the advert justifying why it cost that much made bile rise in my throat. I showed the advert to one of my fellow coworkers and...

Are you familiar with the adage, "If you want to know someone, walk a mile in her (or his) shoes"? Of course you are! I will not bore you with the metaphorical meaning behind that aphorism. I have had several conversations with friends about shoes, so I thought I would share some of those observations as well as mine. Lace 'em up people. Doc Marten's - A standard. The epitome of function over form (while in my opinion form does not lack) you cannot go wrong with a pair of Docs in your closet. Although some people find the price tag a bit offensive since a pair can go for more than $100, they are well worth the investment. I own six pairs: two pair black (one pair steel toe), two pair brown (also one pair steel toe), steel toe boots, and a pair of flip-flops. The non-steel toe black shoes I own are 14 years old and in excellent condition (bought in 1994 for $110). Birkenstocks - If you own a pair of Docs, then you most likely own a pair of Birks. Wonderfully comforta...

At work about a week ago a friend told me that Congress (specifically the House of Representatives) passed the economic stimulus package President Bush so desperately wants to keep our faltering economy from circling the proverbial water closet. This bothers me. It bothered me the last time Bush decided that our economy needed stimulating in the summer of 2001. Since it's common practice for people to analyze overly complicated subjects with simple platitudes, who am I to walk away from such an opportunity? My friend asked me when I reacted angrily to the news that this "stimulus" package passed the House to explain why I feel that a several hundred dollar check from the government is a bad idea. In 2001 when the Bush Administration gave individual taxpayers anywhere from $300 to $600 (depending how you file your taxes), he and the lawmakers who agreed with this plan argued that the budget surplus amassed during the Clinton Administration actually belonged to us because i...