We Can Certainly Party with the Haiti-ans

A friend of mine suggested I parse the grammatical missteps in the final debate between Senators Obama and McCain. Honestly, it would be sort of unfair to compare the oratory style of McCain against Obama. Since I live in Chicago I have witnessed the plodding oratory skills of Mayor Richard Daley during his unscripted press conferences (and he was a prosecutor in the Illinois State's Attorney's office). Also, I've had healthy servings of schadenfreude over the last few weeks. In my opinion, political debates in today's television and YouTube era does not possess the rhetorical gravitas of past debates (Kennedy/Nixon in 1960 comes to mind). Instead they have several key elements that people see and react to: sound bites and visuals.

Some of the sound bites offered by McCain and Obama I deem worthy of these internet forum inspired tags: LOL, WIN, FAIL, or FACEPALM. Here are some examples taken directly from the debate transcript provided by the Los Angeles Times.

MCCAIN: No. I would like to mention that a couple days ago Senator Obama was out in Ohio and he had an encounter with a guy who's a plumber, his name is Joe Wurzelbacher.
FAIL -- This tag actually goes to the person who transcribed this particular quote. McCain mispronounced his name as "Wurzelburger". After that, McCain referred to Joe Wurzelbacher as "Joe the Plumber". (On a side note, this would have been a perfect impromptu drinking game rule while watching the debate. McCain said "Joe the Plumber" twenty-one times during the debate.)

MCCAIN: The whole premise behind Senator Obama's plans are class warfare, let's spread the wealth around. I want small businesses -- and by the way, the small businesses that we're talking about would receive an increase in their taxes right now.
FACEPALM -- Mentioning class warfare is a political third rail. Also, considering many Americans see politicians turning our country into an oligarchy (thanks to Congress' transparent pandering to special interests and lobbyists), they have no qualms about seeing someone wanting to stem the flow. Remember, Robin Hood was an economic populist.

OBAMA (on tax policy): If I can answer the question. Number one, I want to cut taxes for 95 percent of Americans. Now, it is true that my friend and supporter, Warren Buffett, for example, could afford to pay a little more in taxes in order...
MCCAIN: We're talking about Joe the Plumber.
OBAMA: ... in order to give -- in order to give additional tax cuts to Joe the plumber before he was at the point where he could make $250,000. Then Exxon Mobil, which made $12 billion, record profits, over the last several quarters, they can afford to pay a little more so that ordinary families who are hurting out there -- they're trying to figure out how they're going to afford food, how they're going to save for their kids' college education, they need a break. So, look, nobody likes taxes. I would prefer that none of us had to pay taxes, including myself. But ultimately, we've got to pay for the core investments that make this economy strong and somebody's got to do it.
MCCAIN: Nobody likes taxes. Let's not raise anybody's taxes. OK?
OBAMA: Well, I don't mind paying a little more.

WIN -- This heated exchange demonstrated with visuals that are key in present day debates. Here McCain (by persistently rolling his eyes) showed himself to be impatient and attempted to throw Obama off of the point he made with interruptions.

MCCAIN: Yes. Senator Obama, I am not President Bush. If you wanted to run against President Bush, you should have run four years ago.
WIN -- I have to give this one to McCain. This was an excellent line.

MCCAIN (speaking about Gov. Sarah Palin): She's a reformer through and through. And it's time we had that bresh of freth air (sic) -- breath of fresh air coming into our nation's capital and sweep out the old-boy network and the cronyism that's been so much a part of it that I've fought against for all these years.
LOL -- A Freudian slip if I ever heard one, especially after all of the glowing, hot-and-bothered right wing commentary about Sarah Palin's winking performance in the Vice Presidential debate. This slip of the tongue (no pun intended) seems to tell me that McCain prefers the "T" in T&A since it sounded to me he almost said "breast.

MCCAIN (on health care costs): Now, my old buddy, Joe, Joe the Plumber, is out there. Now, Joe, Senator Obama's plan, if you're a small business and you are able -- and your -- the guy that sells to you will not have his capital gains tax increase, which Senator Obama wants, if you're out there, my friend, and you've got employees, and you've got kids, if you don't get -- adopt the health care plan that Senator Obama mandates, he's going to fine you. Now, Senator Obama, I'd like -- still like to know what that fine is going to be, and I don't think that Joe right now wants to pay a fine when he is seeing such difficult times in America's economy. Senator Obama wants to set up health care bureaucracies, take over the health care of America through -- as he said, his object is a single payer system.
If you like that, you'll love Canada and England. So the point is...
SCHIEFFER (to OBAMA): So that's your objective?
OBAMA: It is not and I didn't describe it...
MCCAIN: No, you stated it.
OBAMA: I just...
MCCAIN: Excuse me.
OBAMA: I just described what my plan is. And I'm happy to talk to you, Joe, too, if you're out there. Here's your fine -- zero (making a hand gesture indicating "0"). You won't pay a fine, because...
MCCAIN: Zero?
OBAMA: Zero, because as I said in our last debate and I'll repeat, John, I exempt small businesses from the requirement for large businesses that can afford to provide health care to their employees, but are not doing it. I exempt small businesses from having to pay into a kitty. But large businesses that can afford it, we've got a choice. Either they provide health insurance to their employees or somebody has to. Right now, what happens is those employees get dumped into either the Medicaid system, which taxpayers pick up, or they're going to the emergency room for uncompensated care, which everybody picks up in their premiums.

WIN -- Obama, under persistent interruption from McCain and clarification from Bob Schieffer, explains and demonstrates his health care plan.

MCCAIN (on the topic of SCOTUS justices): Senator Obama voted against Justice Breyer and Justice Roberts on the grounds that they didn't meet his ideological standards.
FAIL -- The Senate confirmed Justice Stephen Breyer in 1995, ten years before Obama served in the U.S. Senate.

MCCAIN: We need to encourage programs such as Teach for America and Troops to Teachers where people, after having served in the military, can go right to teaching and not have to take these examinations which -- or have the certification that some are required in some states.
LOL -- This gets the "Wait, what?" treatment from me. While I can understand that military training can provide potential teachers with necessary leadership abilities, it cannot be the sole criterion for new teachers. They need to know the subject matter as well. The program McCain offers is something that can work in conjunction with the new G.I. Bill passed this year (which McCain initially opposed).


After watching this debate, it became clear to me that McCain reminded me of Cher (Alicia Silverstone) in Clueless in her debate class. More specifically, it reminded me of Mr. Hall's (Wallace Shawn) critique of her arguments, "Unresearched, rambling, and unconvincing."

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